Everything you wanted to know about our community’s habits but were too busy eating a 3kg box of ladoos
A for Asian. Or Arranged marriage, Auntyjee (who usually does the arranging), Accountants, the preferred job, Amla oil to make your hair soft, Atta to make you healthy, and the Asian family dog and status symbol-in-one must be an Alsatian.
B is for Bacardi. (pronounced ‘bukaddi’ in some parts of England). Or Balti (see below), Bollywood, and Bata chappals which should bring back memories of childhood punishments. Oh yeah and Bargain....
C is for Curry, which is often served in a Corningware pot, with ingredients purchased from Cash and Carry. There are also Concrete gardens to avoid doing the gardening, Cling film on the remote control, Corner shops and Calendars advertising the local butchers, temples, and fabric shops!
D is for Datsun. The ultimate 'reliable family car.' Display cabinets for the graduation photo and Corningware dishes, Daytimer gigs (for all you who really dress up like that to go to college!), or Diabetes- unfortunately too common in the community), Doilies on the telly and Dubai (See 'H').
E is for Extension because the house has to be as - big as possible. Or Eastern Eye (of course) and Extractor fans (See '0').
F is for Fair and lovely-the 'skin lightning' cream. Flip-flops, Flock wallpaper and Flags of the home country!
G is for Graduation photo. The reason your folks send you to Uni. Or Gossip, Goatees, Ghee, Garage music, and Gold are the only thing mums want to invest in. Oh yeah and Gold leaf decorated tissue box (You know you have one somewhere).
H is for Holidays in India, Pakistan and Bangladesh, but Dubai comes across as a winner for shopping, restaurants, beaches, and you guessed it, Gold! Also Heathrow - the original British Asian employment hub
I is for Immigration because that's how we got here! Or Incense sticks, and Illegal copies of films from the 'brother' at the local market or paan house (see P).
J is for D and coke, which could one day replace Bacardi and coke (second generation), as the most popular British Asian drink! But can it ever beat Johnnie Walker? (Red label or black?)
K is for Kebab roll. The handy snack for all the family. Or anything Karahi for lunch.
L is for Ladoos, and every other kind of Indian sweet we can get our hands on (especially the chocolate barfi...mmm). Lino in the home, though it is now replaced with Laminated flooring! Oh, and a hygienic desi won't go to the Loo without a Lota.
M is for Mercedes -and the bigger the Mobile phones, Moschino, Musical doorbells, Melas and being Multilingual.
N is for Newsagents, The industry we control. Nest of tables, Nandos (Chicken for Asians) and having Nicknames like Munna and Chimpoo!
O is for Onions and smelling like food when you come out of the house (unless you have a good extractor fan).
P is for Poppadams Because we get the spicy ones in restaurants! Paan house, Plastic flowers on top of the doily on the telly, Personalised number plates (like 51NGH or PATEL), Pakoras and Plastic tablecloths.
Q is for Queen Mary and Westfield- one of the great Asian universities of our time.
R is for Rose syrup because faludas aren't the same without it, Religious symbols round our necks and hanging off the rear-view mirror of the benz, or Rotating ceiling fans.
S is for Saris, whether you're fat or thin! Or Splatter cover in the microwave, Sunrise Radio (twentee phwoar, 'ours a de), Steering wheel covers, and Suitcases on top of the wardrobe.
T is for trainers to wear with your shalwar kameez, Or Trousers under your dress, Tupperware and the faithful Thermos.
U is for Uncle, even if you have just met your friend's Dad - you will call him Uncle. Or Upgrades (for mobile phones and/or flights)
V is for Vito- perhaps one of the most famous Asian household bevvies. The much-soughted Visa, Vicco (Ayooorvedic cream) and Vicks which mum says will cure anything!
W is for the Wannabe (Wannabe bad, wannabe cool, wannabe anything but a pendoo eh?) and Weddings which everyone seems to be constantly obsessed with.
X is for the X- X tended family (see U-because everyone's an uncle or auntie).
Y is for Yesterdays leftovers for lunch if you can't get a kebab roll!
Z is for zee TV Family life will never be the same and even EastEnders seems dull compared to Astitva!
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